6 SIGNS TO KNOW IF YOU ARE DATING A NARCISSIST BY SLEEKMODUPE

This word isn’t as common in our society as in the Western world, but to the extremely intellectual, well travelled and well read Africans, the word Narcissist comes in handy either with a heart bang or a relief that the culprit is out of their lives.

A Narcissist is a man or woman with a personality disorder, which is a mental illness. A narcissist is very selfish and self centered. It’s all about me, my views, my opinions, how I feel and don’t give a damn what the other person in their lives feels even if that person is dying inside emotionally. A narcissist is detached and is more concerned about him or herself - it’s a very complex human personality. A Narcissist can be fun charming either he or she make you feel special at the onset of a relationship, and then in an instant, treat you like a complete stranger he or she haven’t had intense communication with. Are you presently in a relationship with a narcissist and you don’t even know that’s who he or she is, and this gives you sleepless nights? Here are the signs to know if you are dealing with one.

IT’S ALL ABOUT ME

Sighs! This personality types can make their partners emotionally depressed for no good reason. It’s all about him or her, my car, my job, my sexual needs, my views and opinion matters, and when their partner brings up a complaint, they disregard it as if it’s not important. Tinuke was dating Tunde a Banker with a striving new generation bank. He was good looking, they met at a party and we all knew the result. Sparks flew in the air like they all say at the start of any relationship. He made her feel cherished, called and invited her for weekends, took her out for dinners in cosy restaurant on the Island, the lovemaking very electrifying - took his time to explore her body to estacy and then all of a sudden when he has given all the love and affection, he blanked, he just went into passive aggression, the silent mode of a typical narcissists. Tinuke became confused, she called Tunde; he seemed distant and was always using his work in the bank as an excuse like: don’t you know I have got to work hard if we want to get married and have a very comfortable life? Why are you been selfish? Tinuke is confused and when it came to sex, he just went straight to business like he's sleeping with a whore. Tinuke who used to be a very confident Telecommunications Executive began to question herself. A narcissist will make you feel that way that something is  wrong with you and everything is great with them.

 

THE RULES DON’T APPLY TO HIM OR HER

Hmm! A typical female and male narcissist feels they can actually cheat in a relationship and still try to justify themselves. Like it’s not a big deal; they are so high on themselves, they are like you should be happy you have me that people are linning to date them. So what’s your problem? And they make their partners very helpless and confused like 'I am doing you a favour.' A typical narcissist who cheats on his or her taxes and ignore rules that get in the way of their doing what they want.

   

In a relationship with a narcissists you can suggest a getaway for a romantic weekend, they will shockingly rubuke you for suggesting such when they are so busy with files at work but if it’s going to benefit them and catches their interest they don’t want to know if it’s convenient for their partners. Their mental disorder is intense and most times they don’t even attribute their character to narcissism.

YOU ARE WRONG AND I AM VERY RIGHT…

A typical male and female narcissist always laments that it’s the fault of their partner that things are bad in their relationship and its very glaring for all to see that they are the source of the problems themselves. They don’t apologize when they make mistakes to their partners. Infact, they blame their partners for the way their relationships are. Samuel Akinyeye lived in Spain, met Tomi who lived in Lagos online, and they clicked. Being a typical narcissist - very impressive at the beginning of the relationship, all was so romantic and nice.

He then decided to introduce Tomi to his sister and her husband in Ikorodu, he definitely wanted them to access a lady he himself haven’t met in the flesh, what an irony? To cut the long story short, the sister; an obessed fat shapeless woman married to a Pastor in a very local area in Ikorodu then went to badmouth Tomi because she saw Tomi as a threat. Tomi; educated, beautiful, and intelligent - if she eventually marries her brother, she wouldn’t have access to her brother anymore like she used to. Samuel decided to show his real narcissist self, he started to downgrade Tomi telling her he heard she talked like a parrot and that it was old pictures she used to deceive him online. Tomi was in great shock and was emotionally traumatized by the sudden change in Samuel. Tomi wasn’t dumb, she decided to give Samuel a doze of his own medicine. Tomi called him short and shapeless man and that he should stop sending pictures of his ugly dick to responsible ladies on the internet. He didn’t expect it, so his image was damaged, he blanked, never called back. He came to Nigeria on June that year like he promised, but never came to see Tomi. Tomi was depressed for a month - that was her 1^st encounter with a Nigerian male narcissist.

THEY CAN BE VERY QUICK TO ANGER

Yeah! In relationships, they get worked up easily when provoked and most times they are the ones who even provoked their partners and blame their partners for no good reason. They hate being criticized when they are wrong and blame it all on their partners. Imagine a narcissist female blaming her man  for not being able to truly enjoy sex, whereas she was raped by an uncle as a tennager and never truly healed - that’s a typical female narcissist - admitting they have a problem is a big issue.

THEY ARE SO HIGH ON PERFORMANCE AND APPROVAL OF PEOPLE

These relationship manipulators want to be the very best in their careers and their partners praising them all the time gives them the kicks. They wanted to be the one standing out in the crowd. They like the world to applaud them and say great things about their job, careers, their wrist watch, dress code, but with their real partners they show their dark side of extreme passive aggression, blame game, silent treatment, they make life unbearable for their partners but once they step out with that very partner, they put up a front to the world - really toxic! 

THEY CONSTANTLY PUT THEIR PARTNERS DOWN IN PRIVATE AND ONLY THEIR NEEDS EXIST TO BE MET

The typical narcissist partner whom at the initial stage of the relationship seeks to please you will now want you to serve them, and worship the ground they walk on. The sad part is they make you fall madly in love with them and then start dealing with your mind. To sex is their needs - they want dogy style. I want you to give me “a head go down on me”, they just want to feel superior, they hide under their insecurities with their criticism, silent treatment, tantrums, ridicule, judgment, and they are destructive. If they don’t work on this mental disorder they can destroy their partners emotionally and mentally.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist at the initial stage seem like heaven on earth, but when they get you to fall in love with then, then be ready for a deep pain that you might never fully recover from, if you don’t find God and have a personal relationship with Him. 

You might have been dating a Narcissist, and you didn’t just know he or she was one...These are sure signs to know. So, you can make a decision if you want to continue with them or advise them to get help, because this mental disorder can destroy, tear self esteem and self worth as a human being, and really learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all!

Thanks fans for Reading.